I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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