i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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