At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize