so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
