Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
