she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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