he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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