If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
