I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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