Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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