thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
