I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
