thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize