Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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