I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
