he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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