I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
