I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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