watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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