Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
