WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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