my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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