I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
PANTIES FOUND
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