well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
