like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
