We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ok first of all what the fuck
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
