When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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