Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
