people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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