She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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