Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
