If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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