I have demons in me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
