I'm so fucking centered right now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
