Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
