I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she peed on how many people?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
