No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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