and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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