i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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