He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
