69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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