operation harelip BJ is a go
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
