we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
