Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
