His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
