YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
