god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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