just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
