I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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