I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
