i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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