Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
