in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
