i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
