Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
