my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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