the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
