What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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