I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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