I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you never un-have a 4some
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
