time to smoke my breakfast
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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