Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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