I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
