You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
