I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
